| (no subject) |
[Jan. 7th, 2010|05:49 pm] |
|
sometime i have no fucking idea. and i have always been like that. i keep crying at work, i cried all day. sometimes i dont know why i am so unstable. i am sure they are going to fire me one day for asking like a lunatic. i can not really blame them. sometime i wonder of i really have something wrong. most the time i think just the world is wrong. my knees and back are so close to normal from the wreck. its been a while. i need to work out, i need to lose weight. get the nova running. get my shit together. blah blah blah. it is always the same old story, always the same old song and dance. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2009|12:23 pm] |
I went wrong last night. Yes I should have been just happy to see you no matter what. I agree ten billion percent.
I am sorry. I know me being mad about you not getting there till ten was over reacted. I over react a lot. I am working on that. I know I should have been more positive; I agree with you there. I am also working on being more positive. I know it doesn’t really matter that you didn’t call to say you were going to be an hour and a half late; but for some reason I think it is a respect issue if you would just gave me an update on if you are still coming over or not I wouldn’t have had my feelings hurt. And yes I had my feelings hurt for no reason; I am a girl. And I have emotions that are ridiculous.
I am sorry I gave you hell about your band; honestly I wasn’t trying to be mean. I was trying to lighten the mood with poking fun at another situation than the one at hand. I am just confused by you. I am confused because you always say one thing, and do another. I wish you would explain to me; just so I can understand. I know you won’t explain it because I know it really is none of my business. In some ways I am hurt that you never let me know what you are doing; and yes you are right it is none of my business. And yes you are right I should just let you do what you want to do and leave you the fuck alone. I want things that you are part of to be my business in some ways. I want to feel like sometimes I am included in your life besides just those times when we are hanging out at your house. Even though you are right and nothing else matters but the times when we are hanging out and I should not bother you about things that are not related to you and I. To me that is what having a relationship is about is some ways. A relationship to have someone to share things with, no matter good or bad; and for the people to have conversions even if both of them have different views and opinions. Just to have someone there is share things with even if it isn’t related to just you and me. And I am sorry I brought up that I am not on your myspace top 36; but most people put their so called girl friend in there top however number many they have. I know myspace doesn’t matter but I think you are gay for not having me anywhere in your top 36. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 28th, 2009|03:43 pm] |
Being beat up from a wreck is such a weird thing. Something not seemingly so bad totally ruin something in your body. And I am lucky.. lucky, lucky lucky, I could have been seriously injured or killed. But my back still hurts… all the time, and my knee still hurts… all the time… and it’s been almost two months, and I still can’t walk fast, or walk the dogs, or hardly sweep and vacuum, or walk up and down stairs without looking retarded and it hurting. I have put of like 230129348 pounds from not moving, and the more weight I gain the worse my back is going to be, and the worse my knee is going to be. It is seriously stupid. I pray for all of you guys that get in wrecks tiny or big that you heal quickly, 'cause this shit is stupid. A broken arm would have been easier.
I need to find a second job, if I could bring home just a few hundred dollars more a month I could really get caught up on bills and debt… and once those are paid off maybe then go back to school, and fix the nova, and buy another old car… and finish this huge rib tattoo that I love even though its only line work.
But I can’t really work another job until my back and knee feel better.
At least I still have all of my limbs… and everything else.
I have been so lucky… I still like to bitch though =)
I still have one puppy if anyone needs a puppy.
I am pretty sure I am addicted to the mocha bolthouse farm drinks… mmm.
And I think I am addicted to hoodies.
Blah blah blah blah blah.
It is so weird the people that come in and out of your life. I hope all the people that do have some positive affect on me and my life and that one day I will see it, but most the time I am just confused about the whole thing, and most the time I wish it would never have dented my life when they left. Other times I wonder why some people just keep hanging around like worn out ghosts… who knows, I don’t know.. maybe one day life with explain itself to me.. so I don’t feel so stupid. And why do most of the people you want to stay around never do? That’s stupid. Its like shoes you fall in love with, then when they are worn out you can never find the same shoes again.. or jeans.
Jeans are harder to find than shoes. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 26th, 2009|09:43 pm] |
do you remeber when people use to really write in these things?
before myspace, before facebook, before twitter.
and what the fuck is twitter anyhow?
i dont fucking get it.
it has been thirteen days since that stupid wreck. my spine is still retarded.
why dont people floss their teeth? i see people with all this gunk bewteen their teeth!
just floss them, it takes like two minutes... and the more you do it, the less time it takes. damn it. i just flossed and brushed mine sucka.
i dont have anything positive to say... i am over it.
clutch has a new cd, and that is the only thing i care about hearing about. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 20th, 2009|08:23 pm] |
there is nothing new.
there is one lost, and i am done. she has no idea i care, and i cant anymore.
thanks for not returing my calls.
thanks for not returning my texts.
when all i wanted to was to be there for you.
through your troubles and tribulations.
i really dont have any idea why you dont like me anymore.
why you wont let me know you anymore.
thanks for breaking up with me.
anyways...
i have four disks out of place from the wreck, they said two months off going to the chiropractor will fix it.
i have a huge rib tattoo that will have to wait... and wait.
i have the nova that is so close to running again, a carburator, spark plugs, and plug wires... wooo!!!
i need to lose weight. christina shut up, but if i get any fatter i will have to give you all of my clothes!! i wish you could wear more of my shoes though.
anddddddd.... rest in peace adam pearce.
there will never be another like you.
although i think john could have always out worked you.
my grandparents are growing older, and all of their freind are passing away or getting terrible diseases. like is such a heart breaker. |
|
|
| stolen-nesssss |
[Apr. 13th, 2009|01:57 pm] |
everyone learns faster on fire.
YOUD BE IN GOOD SHAPE IF YOU RAN LIKE YOUR MOUTH
Although it is such a singular word, there are many variations of alone. There is the alone of an empty beach at twilight. There is the alone of an empty hotel room. There is the alone of being caught in a throng of people. There is the alone of missing a particular person. And there is the alone of being with a particular person and realizing you are still alone.
Because street lights and stop signs are all
that distance means. Freeways and free days
are heaven to me. Love is a behavior, not a feeling.
It's the way somebody treats you, everyday, all day.
Not just when their life is going well.
optimism means expecting the best, but confidence
means knowing how to handle the worst
There are lots of fish in the sea..
there`s also sharks, seaweed, & toxic waste
Life is made up of years that meant nothing
& the moments that meant everything.
we don't grow up.
we just learn how to act in public.
Time. Time changes everything.
That's what people say, it's not true.
Doing things changes things.
Not doing things leaves things
exactly as they were.
So here's to giving up.
Because it's the fastest road to healing,
even if it isn't exactly the smartest.
"I don't believe that life is supposed to make you feel good,
or to make you feel miserable either. Life is just supposed
to make you feel"
don't wonder why people go crazy.wonder why they don't.
in the face of what we can lose in a day, in an instant,
wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it together.
Happiness is a lifestyle, Love is a journey,
& sadness is a decision. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2009|01:59 pm] |
I have really got to do my taxes. The damn things are in a few days.
I am the master at procrastination.
I went to a crazy doctor.. twice.
And had a weird breakdown both times.
I don't think that I will go back.
I wish it would get warm.
I need to start running with Lula.
And get the nova running.
And so many other things.
I hope you all are safe from the tornados. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 22nd, 2009|03:43 pm] |
i feel so crazy today. my heart is so heavy today.
i am so tired of my mom being a mess, she has been is such a bad mood for so long. and most days i know she is still sick, on some level. i dont know if she still has caner, but something is wrong. if she doesnt have cancer now, this road will bring it. i dont know how to help her. this house makes me feel like a mess. this house makes me feel like a failure. this house makes me so, so sad. it makes my heart so heavy. this house makes me hate eveything that i am. this house gives me no hope of anything i want to acheive, and no hope to who i want to be. it give me no hope to what kind of life that i want to live.
its so duumb that this place has so much power.
that i let this place have so much power.
i am tired of trying. i am not going to anymore. if i move out she will lose her house, and even more of her sanity, i couldnt even imagine what she would become, she is already so low. if i dont leave this house i am going to lose all of my sanity. i wish i knew which to do, stay and keep trying or move out.
i feel so sorry for her, i feel so very sorry for her.
i wish i knew how to fix things, i wish i had the power to change lives.
i wish i could make things better.
i wish i could give people hope, and happiness.
i wish mroe so much. so much.
i wish praying worked for me, for some people it does. the long chants that i try to project positive energy in havent worked. maybe i dont have enough positive energy. i need to create more.
i try to be fairly positive, this house drains everything out of me.
i ahte being here.
i need to figure out what i need to do, make some kind of plan, do something, make change.
i just wish, i wish for more things than what could ever possibly happen.
someone tell me something that i am failing to see.
i feel so blind, i feel so dumb, and so trapped.
damn. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 26th, 2009|04:15 pm] |
A man is but a product of his thoughts; what he thinks, that he becomes.
Mohandas K. Gandhi
Fear less, hope more;
Whine less, breathe more;
Talk less, say more;
Hate less, love more;
And all good things are yours.
Anonymous
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
Charles A. Beard
Keep steadily before you the fact that all true success depends at last upon yourself.
Theodore T. Munger
Somewhere there is something incredible waiting to be known.
Carl Sagan
Lots of things that couldn't be done have been done.
Charles Auston Bates |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 26th, 2009|04:14 pm] |
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
Live the life you have imagined.
Henry David Thoreau
Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The more difficulties one has to encounter, within and without, the more significant and the higher in inspiration his life will be.
Horace Bushnell
Three rules of work: Out of clutter find simplicity;
From discord find harmony;
In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
Albert Einstein
There are no elevators in the house of success.
H. H. Vreeland
In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins - not through strength, but through persistence.
Buddha
(From Classic Motivational Quotes)
Have your heart in your life's work, and be stout-hearted. Do something, act always, and do it now. Don't be afraid. Many a man has been defeated by his doubts—lack of confidence. Take your risks—you cannot eliminate them, you cannot escape them. You can diminish them by dominating them.
Batten's Wedge
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by
the things you didn't do than by the ones you did.
So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain
There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity.
Douglas MacAurthur
Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.
Mark Twain
When one door of happiness closes, another opens:
but often we look so long at the closed door that
we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
Helen Keller
Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging
on after others have let go.
William Feather
Shoot for the moon.
Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
Les Brown
Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.
Henry Ford
From Inspiring Adages, Maxims
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Sun Tzu
A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it. bearing with him the image of a cathedral.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.
William James
There is nothing impossible to him who will try.
Alexander the Great |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
astro_junkies's journal